Gabriella Pomare — Author Books about modern relationships, communication, conflict, separation and the conversations that shape what happens next.

Gabriella Pomare — Author

Books about the conversations that shape relationships, families, and what happens next.

Gabriella Pomare is an Australian author and relationship expert whose work dives deep into the nuances of modern relationships communication, including themes such as conflict, separation, co-parenting, and repair.

Her writing is significantly influenced by nearly two decades of experience as a family lawyer and is guided by a pivotal question that pervades much of her work:

What can we learn before things break?

Gabriella writes about the private conversations that often go unspoken.

The resentment that builds quietly.

The work that begins consuming a relationship.

The emotional affair that starts as friendship.

The changes motherhood brings to identity and intimacy.

The difficulty of deciding whether a relationship is experiencing a hard season or has fundamentally changed.

And, after separation, the challenge of learning to remain a family in a different form.

Her books explore both sides of relationship breakdown. Before It Breaks examines what occurs before a split, while The Collaborative Co-Parent provides essential co-parenting advice for navigating life after separation.

BEFORE IT BREAKS

A Modern Guide to Love, Conflict, Repair and the Conversations That Change Everything

What happens before a relationship ends?

Usually much more than the final argument.

Before It Breaks delves into the quieter moments that shape modern relationships — from disconnection and resentment to intimacy, ambition, work, and the emotional intricacies that complicate friendship boundaries and define modern relationships communication. The book challenges readers to reflect on difficult questions such as whether to stay or leave.

Instead of starting with separation, the book examines the upstream conversations that are frequently postponed, the warning signs that are easy to rationalize, and the habits that gradually morph into patterns.

Gabriella invites readers to look more honestly at the evolving nature of relationships, emphasizing that not every difficult season signifies the end, and understanding what is truly happening matters.

Themes include:

emotional disconnection;

relationship burnout;

resentment;

motherhood and marriage;

work as the third presence in a relationship;

emotional affairs;

friendship boundaries;

social media;

AI and modern intimacy;

staying for the children;

red flags and 'icks';

identity;

repair; and

the conversations people often have too late.

THE COLLABORATIVE CO-PARENT

Two Homes. One Family.

Separation ends a relationship.

It does not end parenting.

The Collaborative Co-Parent is Gabriella's practical guide to parenting after separation, packed with co-parenting advice that challenges conventional adversarial approaches. The book encourages parents to form a new family structure centered around their children, rather than perpetuating the emotional patterns that characterized their former relationship.

Gabriella introduces her Four Pillars of Communication: Listen. Pause. Reflect. Respond.

The principles central to her co-parenting work are also explored:

Two Homes. One Family.

New Family. New Rules.

Child in the center. Not in the middle.

You can't co-parent from a wound.

The objective is not to create perfect co-parents but to facilitate better communication among separated parents, reduce unnecessary conflict, and ensure their child does not bear the burden of managing the relationship between them.

TWO BOOKS. ONE CONTINUING CONVERSATION.

At first glance, Gabriella's books may seem to occupy opposing ends of the relationship spectrum. One addresses the themes of staying and repair prior to a breakdown, while the other begins the conversation after separation. Yet both ultimately explore the same critical issue: How we communicate when relationships are under pressure.

This includes intimate relationships, conflict, and the family structure that remains in the aftermath of a breakup. Gabriella's writing aims to help readers understand the underlying patterns of communication, conflict, and connection in their own lives.

THE IDEAS BEHIND THE BOOKS

Listen. Pause. Reflect. Respond.

Gabriella's Four Pillars framework is woven throughout her work. It encourages individuals to create space between their emotions and reactions, enabling more thoughtful communication during challenging conversations.

Season or Pattern?

Not every tough period indicates that a relationship is failing. However, situations become more significant when behaviors transition from being temporary to repetitive patterns.

Gabriella prompts readers to consider if what they are experiencing is just a demanding season of life or if the dynamics are persistently problematic.

Love, Fear, Guilt or Habit?

Why are you staying?

Why are you leaving?

Why are you avoiding the conversation?

Gabriella investigates how some decisions are often influenced less by conscious desire and more by fear, guilt, or the comfort found in familiarity.

Work as the Third Person

Work rarely remains confined to office hours. Ambition, burnout, professional identity, and ceaseless availability can deplete the necessary energy that relationships require to thrive. Gabriella addresses how careers can inadvertently become a third presence in relationships, impacting the dynamics even when such involvement was unintended.

Two Homes. One Family.

Separation alters family structure. Importantly, for children, it does not have to erase their sense of family. This concept is foundational to Gabriella's co-parenting philosophy and her first book.

WRITING ON MODERN RELATIONSHIPS

Beyond her books, Gabriella actively writes and speaks about a variety of topics, including:

relationships and repair;

resentment;

emotional affairs;

mental load;

motherhood;

intimacy;

work and relationships;

modern marriage;

technology and relationships;

AI;

dating culture;

separation;

co-parenting;

blended families; and

the evolving expectations placed on relationships.

Her broader writing reaches audiences through essays, media commentary, and her podcast, Before It Breaks.

FROM FAMILY LAW TO AUTHOR

Gabriella's writing journey stemmed directly from her legal experience. After years of observing individuals at the point where relationships and communication had become deeply entrenched, she became increasingly intrigued by the lessons that lay beneath the legal disputes. Why did some couples achieve agreement while others remained locked in conflict? What unfolded in the months or years before separation? Why did some parents successfully establish functional post-separation families while others remained ensnared in the relationship they thought they had ended? What recurrent communication patterns emerged?

Writing allowed Gabriella to extend these observations from individual legal cases into a broader conversation about relationships, communication, and family life.

AUTHOR, SPEAKER & PODCAST HOST

Gabriella's books constitute a critical part of her wider exploration into relationships, communication, and human behavior. Through her podcast Before It Breaks, along with keynote speaking, media commentary, and writing, she investigates the conversations that shape relationships both before and after breakdown.

Her work regularly informs:

keynote speaking;

media commentary;

podcasts;

panels;

relationship events;

professional education; and

cultural discussions on modern relationships.

ABOUT GABRIELLA POMARE

Gabriella Pomare is an Australian author, family lawyer, keynote speaker, podcast host, and media commentator. For nearly two decades, she has engaged with families navigating relationship breakdowns, separation, conflict, and change. Her writing distills those experiences beyond the courtroom, shedding light on what relationships can teach us about communication, resentment, repair, parenting, and human behavior. She is the author of The Collaborative Co-Parent and Before It Breaks: A Modern Guide to Love, Conflict, Repair and the Conversations That Change Everything.

Before the separation. After the separation. And all the conversations in between.

Gabriella's books provide insight into how relationships change and how effective communication can shape what happens next.